The Fence

After making parole, I had to attend a mandatory re-entry program for five months. Our small recreation yard was connected to the building but also gave us access to the main prison yard.

I wasn’t really used to being in a dorm. Eighty-eight men crammed in a dorm area can be claustrophobic. Add on the fact there is absolutely no privacy. Boo-hoo, right?

Every day I would go out to the fence of our smaller rec yard. The view wasn’t much until I realized further down the fence, I had a glimpse of the road leading to the “free world”. Granted, it was the same road I traveled to come to the prison, but this time it was different. I was going to be free in a matter of months. It was time for me to look forward and not behind.

I started off a few minutes a day going to the fence…staring at that damn road. Minutes became half hour sessions. I would bring out my music player, go to my spot and just hang out. I would watch cars come and go, but I tried to focus on the road that would lead me out of this hell hole called prison.

While I was in my “zone”, I had a buddy flag me with his hand to gain my attention. I turned around facing away from the fence. He reminded me we had softball practice after lunch when the main yard opened.

After he told me about practice, I looked at our prison yard: barb wire, concrete basketball courts, and flat land. Two guys were ready to square up (fight) over a petty debt. A drug deal in the corner. This is prison. I was not immune from seeing all of the bullshit that went on for eleven and a half years. I was tired of it. If you have done time, then I know you were traumatized as well. Prison takes its toll on you on all levels. Think prison isn’t punishment? It is.

I learned a lesson that day. Look forward to freedom or look back at the environment I hated. I made it a daily habit to go outside and look through the fence.

The day I was released is a day I cannot fully describe. Another story for another time, but I do know this. When my wife picked me up, I never looked back when we drove down the road. Months of watching and waiting…our time had come.

Men on the inside used to say an individual would come back to prison if he ever looked back the day he was released. I never did and I pray I never do.